Wanted: Klutz Alarm

Author: Chin

Sometimes, I think I need a wireless alarm not because there’s anything in our house worth stealing, but because I need something to bleep whenever I come close an inch of something potentially bruising. You see, I bruise often because the different parts of my anatomy come into contact with door jambs and sharp edges with pathological frequency. You can count on me getting a bruised shin weekly. Or, scratched legs. Or, bruised elbows. So yeah, any alarm that trips off and warns me to look out for anything bruise-inducing will surely add years to my life.

My name is Chin, and I’m a natural enemy of doorways, edges, and hard surfaces.

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