Nevergirl’s

“Thank God I’ve a Blue Advantage,” my friend Nice (yeah, yeah, her name is Nice… and she’s nice) shuddered.

We were talking about the life and times of klutzes, and how and where we usually sustain injuries. According to Nice, if she were to pay for all those times she rushed to the ER, she’d be broke as a joke. But Blue Advantage has her covered – they take care of the fees; she provides the bruised body part. “Sounds almost like a jingle!” she hooted.

I don’t know about you, but if you think all women age 19 to 91 walk about graceful as a swan, then you’ve obviously never met me. I don’t “glide,” as our teacher in high school told us all young ladies should do. Heck, I don’t even walk!  What I do – if it could be called that – is lumber and take down a lot of casualties as I go along. One time, it was a vase. Another time it was a picture frame. Usually, it’s just my shins or my head. Here are the three things I often end up bruising myself on and over.

Door jambs. Hips, hands, elbows… you name it, I hit them against the door jambs with nearly fanatical frequency.

Headboard. I’m pretty sure if I were to examine every surface of our poor headboard, I’d find dents where my head butted into it. I don’t know why I rotate like a helicopter when I sleep, but I do. And, it usually takes head contact with the headboard to make me snap to normal sleeping position – and by normal, I mean arms and legs NOT akimbo, head or arms not dangling on one side of the bed.

Dressers. I don’t know why my dressers connect to my hands with alarming frequency, but I’ve a bruised finger to show for it and an orphaned hand that can’t do much right now, except tap away on the keyboard with two fingers.

Is it so hard to believe one human being could be this accident-prone? Perhaps, if you haven’t met me. But ask someone who has spent an entire day with me and you’ll know for a fact I, Chin, am a natural enemy of edges and hard surfaces.

One time, I even sat in the office with blood tricking down one leg… but I wouldn’t have known it if Vet hadn’t told me so.

This entry was posted on Saturday, July 11th, 2009 at 8:56 pm and is filed under Blathers. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.