Nevergirl’s

It’s that time of the year again when I get to leaf through a bajillion resumes and cover letters. I wring my hands in despair from where I sit, dead sure that these new breed of cover letters could only be the iffy output of people who were given liberal amounts of MSG in their feeding bottles.

1. Funky Fonts
A resume in italics? Funky fonts? Borders a’plenty? Fancy scrollwork? Shadings by the truckloads? Even worse, clip art? Were you job seekers beamed down from some mother ship and told to look for a job in my company? Were you raised by krakens? Taught by toads? STOP IT.

2. Skipping the Cover Letter
You only get one chance—once chance—to show me you can put sentences together. Why would you pass it up?

3. TMI
I’m sure you’re a wonderful person, and that those pecan pies you bring to potluck dinners have immensely enriched your neighbors’ lives. But, I do not need to know that, and most of all, I do not need to know you quit your last day job to

a. marry the love of your life
b. raise two wonderful kids
c. raise chicken and organic vegetables in a kumbayah-singing commune

4. Weird Career Objectives
So you want to “grow as an artist”? That’s fine by me. You could even grow as a vegetable for all I care. Growing is all very nice and wonderful (and I hope you put your talents to use, and “find yourself” while you’re at it), but you will have to grow as an artist and look for your true self in your own time because I am looking for a software guy, and I don’t give a flying hoot about anything right now except what YOU can do for me.

5. The word EPIC
College isn’t epic. The ipod touch 8g isn’t epic. Your last work experience isn’t epic. You know what is? Beowulf. So can trying to get cute. Your cover letter isn’t your blog, and I am not your friend. I am your would-be boss, and there is nothing epic about what you just had me waste 10 minutes of my time reading.

Posted Blathers |