Oddities, Strangeness she writes 
Comments Off English Classes, in 2015
I learned drama, Shakespeare, grammar, literary devices, and how to fall in love with the written and spoken word in high school. That sentence violates parallelism, by the way, but let’s leave it alone. We’ve far more important things to talk about, like the future of English classes. 
In the future, students won’t be memorizing Brutus’ Defense or reading Shakespeare’s plays. Instead, they will be busy acquiring tools to make their tweets come to life with wit. They will learn how to craft Facebook status updates that ooze with dramatic absurdity and glibness. They will be taught how to make their tweets personal and honest:
Trisha skipped class to audition for PDA.
Gemma is trying on new lingerie.
Pedro ate longanisa and washed it down with Red Horse.
But wait, that’s not the whole curriculum yet! Students will also be encouraged to innovate their efforts at self-publishing by… adding a Google search box to their blog! Most importantly, they will be shown how to speedread by analyzing Perez Hilton’s twitter feed. Whee!