Nevergirl’s

Pregnancy is hell on the female body. I went from 96 pounds to 130 while pregnant with Charlie. The day I popped, I hit my all-time fattest – 136 pounds, barefoot (so I couldn’t very well pin the blame on my footwear). Still, if there’s one thing a newborn will do aside from cry over just about anything, it’s ask for milk every two hours. So there’s nothing new mothers can do except wake up every two hours to make milk and feed the babe – unless they want to put their newborns on forced diet. How difficult is it to wake up every two hours? Veeeery. Sleeping in two-hour increments will drive you mad. It will make you cranky. It will turn your eyeballs red and veiny. But it will also make you lose weight – lots and lots of weight. By the time we’ve had Charlie for a week, I was down to 115 pounds and had become a steaming, seething mass of hostility and irritability. It got so bad I made uranium look non-volatile in comparison.

Today, I tip the scale at 96 pounds. No, I am not on drugs. The weight just dropped. It’s strange and scary but hey, I’m thin again. I’m still irritable but I take it out on my keyboard. I play ‘Punch Your Co-Worker’ and it’s been good therapy (and no, this isn’t a subtle threat to co-workers who read this blog). I tried to cook but the attempt was short-lived. Even though the hub wasn’t expecting a miracle – only something edible – the meat was so tough it made his fork bend. This reminds me of the first and only time I tried to bake. In Mrs. Ello’s Home Economics class, my groupmates and I ended up with a cake so sturdy it fell off the table and didn’t crumble. It wasn’t eatable, either, as it would require a chainsaw to cut through that chocolate marble. The botched-up meal, notwithstanding, I wasn’t through playing domestic. I tried doing the laundry but just had to give up. Who knew the wash could be so complicated? Stripes, lights, darks, hand-washables, delicates, warm and cold rinses – these concepts make the head spin! Methinks it would be easier to just go build a working nuclear submarine using only staplers and staples.

So there, now you know. The life of a new mom is so exciting the only topics she has for blogging are sleep loss, spoiled meals, and establishing a relationship with the wash.

Posted While on baby leave |