Nevergirl’s

It breaks my heart to be working on Outer Banks foreclosures this early on a Saturday, so I’m drawing up a list to cheer myself up. Yes, I love lists. I love them in a big way—almost as much as I love fried chicken, hot Milo, and queso real-flavored ice cream, in fact. So well, here, Chin. This here’s another list of things you love. Please feel a little less rotten about starting your weekend thus:

1. Cocktail rings - No, not just any cocktail ring. I like them huge and flamboyant. I have very small hands. I like the way a large ring gives my hands drama, and yes, I’m even willing to forgo hand-holding and writing just so I can put a certain ring on.

2. Beach - If there’s one thing I like about living here now, it’s that I don’t have to share the beach with anyone—if we can psyche ourselves into driving to the beach, that is. The man’s folks have this strip of beach they turned into a private resort of sorts. Back in the day, members of Couples for Christ held stay-in seminars all the time at that place. They don’t now—at least not as regularly—so we have the place all to ourselves. This is something I’d never stop finding amazing. Sand, sky, sea, and solitude—makes up for a lot of sadness, I tell you!

3. Online shopping – I like that it doesn’t even matter that I live in the boondocks now. I can still stop—and not have to worry about being caught in a crowd, to boot! I’m supposed to be on a shopping ban because I took too many trips and bought too many things this year. But I don’t know; think you my willpower can hold? I’m melting-just melting-at the sight of these cuties!

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I can think of a hundred better uses of my time than looking up best franchise opportunities, so to cheer myself up, I’m drawing up another love list. Yeah, yeah. I’ve drawn up so many lists that if we stack them up one on top of the other, I’ve no doubt they’d reach my eyeballs. But, I love lists. They make me happy. Here’s a list of three little things that put a smile on my face.

1. Pearl earrings. 90% of the women I know wear pearl earrings. Nope, we didn’t just meet one day and voted pearls our accessories of choice. It’s coincidence–a happy one at that because I love how pearl earrings effortlessly light up a woman’s face and brings out her best features. I also love that it goes with anything–jeans, shorts, skirts, even the frilliest of dresses.

2. Hoop earrings. Everyone looks good in hoop earrings. They vamp up most outfits. Even pirates look good in hoop earrings. I don’t wear them as much though because for some reason, they ‘slut up’ whatever it is I’m wearing. Because I’m not exactly deprived in the bosom department, I have to be careful what I wear. It doesn’t take much for the outfit of the day to appear sexed up… and for some reason, cleavage and hoop earrings do this only too quickly.

3. Girls in eyeglasses. I have a soft spot for girls who wear prescription glasses. And no, hipster glasses do not count. I like that these girls wear eyeglasses instead of contact lenses. There’s something so quaint, cute, and geeky about horn-rimmed eyeglasses. I like how they make me think the girl wearing them reads. Too few people read these days.

My girl friend Meream rocks prescription glasses like it’s nobody’s business. This is Meream and her new ‘do. Say hello.

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It’s a Monday – that time of the week when things usually go downhill. I don’t hate Mondays even though I usually wake up to depressing news (courtesy of NBC) of workers coming down with mesothelioma, little girls disappearing, or one more Hollywood star getting botox. But really, wouldn’t it be lovely if we could all start our Mondays right with a love list? As I said before, my lists aren’t life-changing or world-changing but they do give me perspective. And, really, isn’t it just wonderful that a list could do that when few things could?

Here are the five things I don’t do often enough, but should… starting this week!

1. Juggle fruits. We always have bananas and mangoes hereabouts. I could start juggling those before progressing to more important things, like the day’s tasks, and then my life goals. The best thing about juggling fruit? I can snack as I juggle. Yum!

2. Walk barefoot. Around the house, check. On the lawn? Not as easy as you think it is. One, we don’t have a lawn. Two, I don’t think the grass downstairs is as sterile as, say, an operating room. I don’t fancy cutting my feet on glass or heavens forbid, getting more tapeworms – I know I have enough!

3. Light candles. This one’s easy. We have a lot of candles in the house. The husband thinks I’m cuckoo to hoard candles. I use the possibility of a power outage my excuse. In truth, I hoard candles because I find them pretty.

4. Drink orange juice without grousing. I’m not sure why I hate orange juice, but I do. I find it too sweet and too fruity. And, because I make faces every time I drink orange juice and then whine about disliking it intensely afterwards, I don’t think drinking orange juice makes me a better person. This should change, though. The husband and the kids LOVE orange juice.

5. Listen to my body. Nope, my body parts aren’t the oracle, but they do tell me certain things sometimes. Right now, my eyes are telling me I need new specs. My stomach is telling me I’ve been eating too much, while my head complains I haven’t been feeding it enough.

What about you? What five things haven’t you been doing enough?

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It’s list time again! I’m sure Lurchie will be thrilled by this announcement. That woman has a strange love for lists. But, hey, who am I to judge when I classify chocolate as a food group and regularly write letters to body parts?

So, on with the list! Here are six things I’d love to do DAILY, if I can.

1. I love cranking up the AC even though the room ends up so chilly that all of us, even the toddler Charlie, have to go to bed wearing leg warmers. Nope, I don’t do it to jack up the power bill – I am NOT a masochist like that. I do it because I have trouble sleeping.

Freezing forces me to stop tapping away on my keyboard. It forces us to huddle together, even in our sleep. And, it feels a lot like Christmas, too. I don’t know why I equate freezing temperatures with Christmas, but obviously, I want every night to feel like Christmas.

2. I love talking to friends, just not over the phone. One, phone conversations lack the body language and nuance I enjoy so dearly in face-to-face conversations. Two, I hate it when my phone feels hot against my ear. And three, I resent my phone – all cell phones in general, in fact. I don’t find my phone necessary; I find it annoying especially when it bleeps non-stop or rings off the hook. Technology, I believe, shouldn’t be more demanding than our own kids or mothers!

3.  I love eating. I eat when I watch TV (which is very rarely), read books, or get my nails done. I eat when I’m most busy and when I’m most idle. Never mind asking what I eat. I’m sure the things on our menu will appall most of you. I eat when I’m upset, when I’m not doing anything, when I am doing many things, when I’m happy, when I’m unhappy. I eat dinner twice, do you know that? Well, now you do. So yes, I eat a lot… and if we ever get stuck in the Andres, in the winter, with no hope of rescue in sight, I just may eat you, too. I kid! I was just pulling your leg and making a reference to that movie – you have seen it, haven’t you?

4. I love NOT going to my dentist. I realize now my fear of dentists isn’t pain-related; it’s bill-related.

5. I love chocolate. If we ever get us a pet (we haven’t yet because I’m allergic to just about anything), I will name it Chocolate. Or, I might name my third child Chocolate.

6. I love drawing up lists. Lists make me happy – they give my day direction, and my life sense. I admit my lists don’t fix everything. They don’t reverse recessions, they don’t stop storms, and they don’t pay bills. BUT – and this is a big but - they give me perspective, and that’s really all I need my lists to do.

Happy Monday, y’all!

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Thanks to Frances’ post, I’ve been thinking about my wedding, and how nice it would have been if I had my mom to plan it with me. But, my mom died three days before my 10th birthday. So, no, I didn’t have a mother to help me take care of my wedding. But, my mother-in-law (to be, then) got us a wedding planner who took care of everything, including helping Wett find an acne treatment as he was breaking out badly by then. All we had to do was sign forms, go to fittings, and show up to the ceremony. How convenient was that?

Still, I can’t help wishing I had my mom with me then. It would have been the perfect opportunity for us to bond as friends, not just as mother and daughter. That little sadness aside, I came up with this list of reasons every bride-to-be needs a mother – biological or otherwise.

1. Your mother is the only person who will willingly work unlimited hours doing such menial tasks as making lists, licking envelopes, calling suppliers, and answering phone calls from suppliers for no pay whatsoever!

2. Your mother is the only person ASIDE from you who really cares that the swirls on your cake don’t look swirly enough, or that the lace on your dress isn’t ivory enough, or that the flowers on your bouquet is the poo-like yellow instead of buttercup.

3. Your mother will go to 45 shoe stores with you so you could find the PERFECT wedding shoes no one will ever see under your wedding dress.

4. Each time you turn into a bridezilla, your mother is the only person in the world who knows the state is temporary and won’t hold the mutation against you.

5. After your wedding, your mother is the only person in the world who will willingly watch the wedding footage at least 12 times in the first month — and still marvel with you about every little detail.

Oh, and finally, your mother is the first woman to understand that you were born with unalienable rights to life, liberty, and a long, beautifully scalloped, white wedding dress.

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