Nevergirl's

There’s a new trend in the U.S’ layoff-beleaguered economy, and it’s one that’s keeping plastic surgeons happy.

In the old days, people had cosmetics surgery to improve their looks, correct physical defects, or steal someone else’s identity and go on a thieving or bombing spree somewhere in Lithuania. Today, they’ve added one more to this eclectic string of reasons.

The new argument for revisional rhinoplasty and other means of going under the knife? Career advancement. The staunchest prophet of this new gospel? Donald Trump.

His Hairness argues that the average worker ant has an innate desire not just to be near good-looking people but to please them as well. For this reason, they work harder to please beautiful bosses and jump at the opportunity to impress. This is why football teams with handsome quarterbacks generally have more success than those that don’t. This also explains why better-looking people command higher entry rates and tend to be promoted faster than their average-looking counterparts.

You would think that in this day and age, The Donald’s arguments would get laughed out of cubicles everywhere. But no, worker ants are sitting up and taking notes. One U.S News and World Report write-up notes that better-looking bosses are more persuasive and are generally perceived as more credible. In his article, Looks: Why They Matter More Than You Ever Imagined, Gordon Patzer suggests several means for prolonging your workplace effectiveness: teeth whitening, eyelid surgery, hair transplant, Botox, and yes, revisional rhinoplasty.

Clearly, it’s not just the fashion industry that’s obsessed with beauty. The workplace is, too. And even though His Hairness ends his post with some conciliatory line about average-looking people also doing as good a job as ‘em good-looking ones, some people now look onto a nose job as the best way to fast-track their climb up the ladder.

Believe it or not, today, workplace go-getters buff up their appearance along with their resume. Ridiculous, is what it is, and you can bet your next paycheck we’re not putting “must be conventionally good-looking” on our hiring ads. Not this year, and not in this lifetime.

Vet talked me into signing up for an online HR community months back. No, it did not turn me into a walking, breathing repository of HR information. What it did is route at least 30 emails a day into my inbox. And because I seldom check my emails, thanks to Globelines’ horrendously slow connection, I get stuck with manual inbox clean-up which involves sifting through chunks and hunks of mail – 598 at one time – to delete the ones that don’t matter and sort the ones that do.

My mail habits are the stuff jokes are made of — to the husband, anyway. He tells me it’s good I don’t check my mail regularly; otherwise, inbox clean-up would turn into a full-time job.

Today, I had another go at those posts. And what do you know? I got 600+ in three weeks! One mail made me laugh, however. It discussed the funniest ways people unwittingly sabotage their own job applications and resumes. The list includes:

1) writing down “occasionally” in the part where applicants must indicate their Sex
2) actually putting this line in the cover letter: I’m 16, pregnant, and can do anything.
3) adding “bi-lingual in three languages” as a skill
4) printing out your resume in colored paper, with cute or wacky fonts
5) providing an email address that is just, well, too odd for comfort (and just so you know, I’m guilty of this, too. My email address is literally, um, odd.)

All these bloopers considered, what does a fail-safe, professional resume look like? The mail provides this sample from one Dan Neumeister. It’s dry, it’s concise, and it’s focused.

But just so we’re clear on this, I’d probably take one look at professionally done resumes like his and feel drowsy two paragraphs after. There’s no accounting for taste. I really, truly prefer the applications that go: You should hire me because I bring doughnuts to the office on Wednesdays.

One of the tasks I do at the think-tank is peruse resumes and pick out applicants to interview. No, no, I don’t run a school that churns out one online business degree after the other. But I digress. As I was saying, I do hiring for the think tank. This task can either be dreary or amusing, depending on the resume I’m reading. Most, sadly, are run of the mill, and I try to chuck or classify those as quickly as I could. Every now and then, however, I get one that makes me stop, chuckle, and scratch my head. Here are some of those:

1. Objective: To have my skills challenged on a daily basis

2. I was promoted twice in one year. My talent terrorized the competition.

3. Referees to be given upon request.

4. Skills: I type fast. I’m very friendly and can play well with others.

5. My ability to perform tasks well without supervision is unspeakable.