Nevergirl's

Hello.

My name is Chin.

I’m stringy-haired, greasy-faced, and I have crooked teeth which makes me not want to smile. I have a lot of health issues, and I loathe that about myself because every time I come down with some kind of bug, I start worrying about getting an insurance quote. I know I make myself sound like some defective software, but that’s precisely what I feel like on most days – faulty, on the brink of being out of order, forever in need of new parts.

I’m a procrastinator; I’m disorganized; and I’m an underachiever.

I know what my plans are, but I’ve no idea how they got to be derailed so bad.

I can’t cook, but I’m learning how to do it without setting myself or the kitchen on fire.

I’m a shoddy friend to many people I love. I hate that I can’t stop being so guarded with my thoughts and my emotions because I know this breaks their heart… and mine. I’ve no excuse, just the explanation that letting go of toxic friendships had been so terrible instead of putting more of myself into the ones that nourish me, I put up a ridiculous number of walls to make sure it never happens again.

I get lost in my thoughts often.

I wish I could be sweeter and more affectionate. Instead, I’m matter-of-fact, a Redbull-swilling optimist who keeps forgetting where she placed her mobile phone and what she’s supposed to do the next day.

Still, I am loved, and for this, I’m infinitely grateful.

I don’t have a beauty regimen, but I know it’s time I get one. I should have made that a part of my list of 10 things I’m too old not to have. The only thing I do that even remotely comes close to being a beauty regimen is washing my face with Dove soap – which I absolutely like, by the way – and slapping on Ponds Detox Cream before heading out.

I’ve been using Ponds since 2000, and I’m happy with it. However, considering my blotchy complexion and my freckles, I think it’s high time I include a toner, wrinkle cream, and a moisturizer into whatever it is I do to my face daily – I wouldn’t call it “beauty regimen” because there is nothing regimented, routinary, or even systematic about it. I only wash my face when I bathe, and before I go to bed. Lazy, lazy.

Like a true blue couch potato, I’d rather be at home than anywhere else. But every once in a while, you can lure me out of the house with tickets to the Outer Banks, for example, or tickets to Bohol, so I can join the grand alumni homecoming. I’m dizzy with excitement. The last time I saw my grade school classmates was in 1995, when we graduated. I can’t wait to see everyone. I’m sure a lot of us have put on wedding rings, weight, and some maturity. I’m just as certain others did some losing too – weight, IQ points (I kid, I kid!), and hair. In any case, it will be fun to see everyone again. I’m  going to bring my yearbook along, so I can look up who looked like what before.

As for me, I’m sure they’ll find I’ve changed very little. I’m still silly. I’m still bossy. I still gush. Annnnd, I’m still that girl who would happily wear the ring fished out of a Cracker Jack box just so long as it’s given with love.

Not that we have Cracker Jacks here. 

I need to get my ass organized. Well, okay, maybe not really my ass because that defies organization. What I mean is, I need to stop running after every new idea that enters my brain because it leaves me leaving tasks hanging. I also need to stop thinking I need to do something new, like learning to play piano, stand on my head, or do handsprings, because I don’t. I have enough activities to keep me occupied for the next 10 years.

I was sorting photos yesterday when I saw a pair of sunglasses I haven’t worn in weeks. After trying it on – and liking it because it’s so huge it makes me feel I’ve a small gazebo around my head – I got to work sorting eyewear instead. See what I mean about needing to organize and focus? I saw the pile of unarranged photos today and feel guilty.

I often think maybe I’d be more normal, orderly, and motherly (in a cookie-cutter way) if I have a pet or a garden. Instead, I have a laptop, and it seems to need me almost as often. But don’t you worry, people I live with! I’m working on achieving serenity and balance, but for now, I’m just working on my cooking.

Wouldn’t do at all to specialize in nothing but scrambled eggs.

Nope, wouldn’t do at all.